We’re Both So Sorry.

 Have you heard a song with that title ? It is sung by Mirah. Lord, I love Mirah. I love that song. It makes me feel like I have a bit of potential.( Why ? Don’t know) Then it makes me feel so sad and gross for wasting my potential. When does one finally use this potential ? When does one finally get that push, that motivation, to get up off their ass and do SOMETHING. Sure, I do something everyday. I serve coffee. I make sure other people serve coffee correctly. Okay okay, really I do nothing.

Once I had a mentor. Someone who asked all the right questions and never directly answered mine. My mentor was honest, painfully so. The criticism this person gave me was just beautiful. Then my mentor went away. I think I need a new mentor. Wanting a mentor, or more specifically feeling like I need a mentor, is very discouraging. If I cannot get on with it and be genius and lovely without someone else behind me will I ever really do it ? 

Some days the little maiden in my head just keeps repeating ” You should be in grad school now. You should be in grad school now”.

I feel restless, not unhappy. I am thankful for many things and people; replenishing lentil stew, crazy loud family, the Twin Peaks box set sitting in my lap, and the gorgeous and sexy person who purchased it for me (eventhough it is just a way to keep me from complaining about hours and hours and hours of Halo, which it is not).

Hey…. is your name Avery ??