We’re Both So Sorry.

 Have you heard a song with that title ? It is sung by Mirah. Lord, I love Mirah. I love that song. It makes me feel like I have a bit of potential.( Why ? Don’t know) Then it makes me feel so sad and gross for wasting my potential. When does one finally use this potential ? When does one finally get that push, that motivation, to get up off their ass and do SOMETHING. Sure, I do something everyday. I serve coffee. I make sure other people serve coffee correctly. Okay okay, really I do nothing.

Once I had a mentor. Someone who asked all the right questions and never directly answered mine. My mentor was honest, painfully so. The criticism this person gave me was just beautiful. Then my mentor went away. I think I need a new mentor. Wanting a mentor, or more specifically feeling like I need a mentor, is very discouraging. If I cannot get on with it and be genius and lovely without someone else behind me will I ever really do it ? 

Some days the little maiden in my head just keeps repeating ” You should be in grad school now. You should be in grad school now”.

I feel restless, not unhappy. I am thankful for many things and people; replenishing lentil stew, crazy loud family, the Twin Peaks box set sitting in my lap, and the gorgeous and sexy person who purchased it for me (eventhough it is just a way to keep me from complaining about hours and hours and hours of Halo, which it is not).

Hey…. is your name Avery ?? 

The greatest enchiladas ever.

 

Omg. I made the best enchiladas ever. I don’t mean the best vegan enchiladas or the best American enchiladas..I mean the best ever.

 The filling is:

TVP re-hydrated with h20,tamari,and lemon juice

1/2 can of chick peas (I ate the other half this morning..breakfast)

1/2 can of good organic diced tomaters

1 can good diced green chillies

1/2 head of broccoli, blanched and diced finely

seasoning blend; cumin, garlic, cayenne, chili, coriander, black pepper (eyeballed, lotsa cumin and garlic, maybe a bit too much cayenne for me)

Filled several good organic tortilla shells after slightly steaming them in the micro, and coating them in the enchilada sauce. Topped with enchilada sauce, almost an entire brick of Vegan Gourmet Cheddar, and some sliced olives.

So good. I went a bit heavy on the Veg. Gourmet, mainly to get rid of it. I actually got it to melt this time ! I followed the melting tips on their site and it worked. The broccoli was an awesome addition. My live-in joykiller, however, just informed me that it smells like decomposition in here from my best ever enchiladas. Asshole, like the Parmesan cheese you put on every meal you eat doesn’t make the place smell like vomit and feet.

 

The people who live in my building

1) Crazy Lady:

I think you must be an alcoholic. My friend and I saw you being  dropped off by a cabbie at 5 o’clock on a Thursday, last May. This does not seem odd, in itself, but the cabbie had to carry you inside. You were flailing about. The cabbie did not come out for a really long time. Whoa, scandalous. The next time I saw you was in July. You were fighting a man and yelling at him. You threw his keys and then slammed him in the car door. You ripped his shirt, scratched his face, got the keys, and then drove off. He looked broken. You came back and the cops came. I went inside to workout and when I returned you were waiting by the door and talking on the phone. You have a son and you scare me. Move out. Your son can stay here for awhile as long as he is nice to my dog. (Awhile as in a week or two, we have crazy parties sometimes) (No, not really, but I like to walk around in my robe)

2)Blue Collar- Third Shift Man

Yes, we all know about your skunky habit. You open your patio door and let it waft out for everyone to smell.You have no fear. It is alright with me. I am not a narc. You walk out with your hood pulled up to get more from a shady character in an Escalade. You have a small daughter who I have only seen one time. She has a Dora backpack and looks very cute. I did not smell it when she was here. I also never smell it during the week. You remind me of my dad. He works weird shifts and wears that same dark blue jacket. Why do people who work in plants always wear those jackets ? Do you work with my dad ? My dad is the best, however, he would not be so carefree if he had a habit like yours. I think this is hereditary. You should rent a garage and furnish it. That would be rad. I hope you are nice to your daughter so she can respect the blue jacket someday.

3) Fitness Bitch (Fitness Woman)

Yes, we used to call you Fitness Bitch. You are very fit and used to be quite a bitch. You redeemed yourself when you said something nice about my car. I don’t think you stole that thing off my porch, did you ? Where have you been ? Did you move or do you go to the gym now, because it is cold ? What gym do you go to ? Do they have a hot tub ?

4) Yippy Dog-Mom

I hate your dog. I hate your dog. I like you but I am extremely jealous of you. You have an awesome car (which inspired me) and a scooter !! I think your family is very well off. You are nice and do thoughtful things, however, I think you are avoiding your boyfriend. He can never reach you. You chain your dog up on your patio. To compensate for your rule-bending I have started to just let my dog out, unleashed, to do her business wherever she pleases. ( I CLEAN IT UP….gah!) She likes this freedom and I will be so sad if they crack down on it. So, please, don’t stop breaking the doggie rules so I feel okay about breaking them as well.

 

this person

Sometimes this person gets very catastrophically upset about very little, tiny things. Only sometimes. This person can usually handle many upsetting things. On occasion this person gets hurt very badly by people with the best intentions. This person can sometimes be very narcissistic but who is not, some of the time ? This post is very emo but that is okay because sometimes people have emo days. This is acceptable in small increments as long as this person has the afternoon off of work, which they do. This person is going to sulk and will regain composure once they consume kombucha tea and take a long shower. (This person should probably consult an aesthetician about the brows and a doctor about the blotchiness.)

I wanteeee……

Twin Peaks Gold Box Definitive Edition

However, I think it is smarmy when things are labeled definitive. Ugh, for all the definitive jerks in the world who cannot simply own a brilliant show on DVD, they must have the definitive edition.

I just want to sit down and watch it all, whenever I want.The infinitive edition? I will/do/can see it.

i am not a little girl. i am a bionic woman.

I have been away from here for some time. I felt generally uninspired and quite depressed the last few weeks. Yeah, I know, what a fucking whiner, eh ?
I am feeling moderately better, right this second, because I do not have to wake up at four tomorrow (yahay!) and serve coffee to people who think I am their unpaid personal assistant (or worse…).

Also, I had a really great time Saturday night hopping around to different Halloween parties.My costume ? Vintage diner waitress with the most bitchin beehive ! I rocked that beehive, let me tell you, which made up for the pain of combing it out the next day.
My social life has sorta went down hill since summer. I have a tendency to become reclusive, suspicious, and generally non-fun to be around. I will work on this in the coming months in conjunction with updating this blog. Or not. Whatever happens.

Watch out, the worlds behind you

Where have I been ? No new posts for some time. My stack of “To Read” and “To Do” have grown recently, with the latter, unfortunately, consuming 85% of my precious time.

To read:

Clown Girl by Monica Drake

Learning to Love You More by Miranda (brilliant) July
and……..
Found Magazine Issues #1-5 !!!!!!!!!!

Done:
Reading Eeee Eeee Eeee by Tao Lin

-cleaning this disaster area I call home

-with excuses

-attending the Found Magazine: There goes the neighborhood event at the Bemis last night
( such fun !)

To Do:
-sleep !!! ah, pleeaaasse !

-train person to take over some of my workload, crush whiners who do nothing

-bake goods/bads

-buy a punkin’

little mystery.

I have been gone for a bit. Last week was filled with mushy feelings of eating too much birthday cake/man made pizza ( I veganized!),working, and walking in the forest.

This week is filled with work. Sad face, tear.

Little kidney shaped mysteries are appearing everywhere. I need to regroup in my study.

why am i just finding this now?

I have a pillow obsession, I always have. Instead of a “blankey” I had a pillow,the pillow, and no substitutions would do. I have not changed. You can ask one particular bedmate of the maiden, he will enlighten you. For me, pillows are serious business…

That is why I am amazed/in love with/and humbled by this artist’s,Joo Youn Paek, brilliant portable sculpture. It is time to take your pillows to the streets people ! (I would recommend a removable vinyl cover for the bottom…I am terrified of my pillow getting dirty/using a dirty pillow. I bring my own to hotels and always have several clean pillowcases ready to go)

While we are on the subject of pillows, here is this beauty I found while stumbling one day.This would make a wonderful gift for many people; partner, bff, boss, grandmother, priest,etc. I am considering making a few for the special people in my life and, of course, myself (if I get that sewing machine I am hoping for, fingers crossed)

whip it whip it good

Licorice Whip courtesy of the Tea Smith

The second water hits this loose leaf it sends a thrill through my fingers and toes. The initial aroma it creates is just so exciting and adventurous.It’s tempting to just dive right in but it dissapoints if you don’t allow it to steep for at least two minutes. Once it’s steeped for at least two minutes it gives off a sweet vanilla flavor. Today it steeped for about six minutes, probably more, which added a bitterness that I welcome with open arms. The tannin-y goodness with the after-sweet vanilla is perfect for a Saturday late-morning spent counting down the minutes until I have to go back to work,tomorrow. Bitter.

A curious note about Tannin:

If ingested in excessive quantities, tannins inhibit the absorption of minerals such as iron into the body. This is because tannins are metal ion chelators, and tannin-chelated metal ions are not bioavailable. This may not be bad for someone with an infection, as iron is mopped up by the immune system to keep microorganisms from properly multiplying.

My body is going to become a big anemic-bruisey mess soon if I don’t get a supplement.